15 years ago, the world as I knew it changed dramatically with the diagnosis of breast cancer. This rattled me deeply. What followed was a course of racing thoughts of what’s to come: heavy treatments to fight the disease.

However, the day the doctor confirmed the diagnosis, it made my mind change in an unexpected way.
In my head, I relived my life of the past and started quickly to pinpoint moments, actions or people who caused me discomfort or stress. I remember vividly yelling to myself, all by myself in the car on my way home, that I will not put up with bulls**t anymore. Consequently, I did cut contact to several people who I suddenly recognized as “poison” in my life. And I learned to say NO. It felt good, but I also got very angry over the fact how long and what it took to recognize this.

The following treatments were not easy, but chemo really kicked my butt. A friend who had battled through leukemia explained to me how chemotherapy will impact me. And she was right on. I felt my brain, and my life, crumbled into tiny particles, ready to be swept up by a light breeze. I couldn’t keep a thought, and I struggled with forgetfulness. This changed my mind. I had the attention span of a fruit fly.

It is on us to stay aware and alert about this disease which impacts one out of 8 women in the USA. I had regular mammograms, but they did not pick up the cancerous growth. I found the irregularity through self-exam. Do your part, you know your body best and be your own advocate.

A poem by Jean Yoder from the CancerCare Poet Group expresses well how I felt during chemo.

A poet writing, rewriting!
Sweeping up life’s energies.
Recording the breath of time.
A poet steeped in language.
Which language?

It makes no difference.
Words and images flow
From the artist into the world.

Can I see, hear, taste or touch?
Everything moves,
Nothing is the same.

4-8 Change of Mind