15 years ago, the world as I knew it changed dramatically with the diagnosis of breast cancer. This rattled me deeply. What followed was a course of racing thoughts of what’s to come: heavy treatments to fight the disease.
However, the day the doctor confirmed the diagnosis, it made my mind change in an unexpected way.
In my head, I relived my life of the past and started quickly to pinpoint moments, actions or people who caused me discomfort or stress. I remember vividly yelling to myself, all by myself in the car on my way home, that I will not put up with bulls**t anymore. Consequently, I did cut contact to several people who I suddenly recognized as “poison” in my life. And I learned to say NO. It felt good, but I also got very angry over the fact how long and what it took to recognize this.
The following treatments were not easy, but chemo really kicked my butt. A friend who had battled through leukemia explained to me how chemotherapy will impact me. And she was right on. I felt my brain, and my life, crumbled into tiny particles, ready to be swept up by a light breeze. I couldn’t keep a thought, and I struggled with forgetfulness. This changed my mind. I had the attention span of a fruit fly.
It is on us to stay aware and alert about this disease which impacts one out of 8 women in the USA. I had regular mammograms, but they did not pick up the cancerous growth. I found the irregularity through self-exam. Do your part, you know your body best and be your own advocate.
A poem by Jean Yoder from the CancerCare Poet Group expresses well how I felt during chemo.
A poet writing, rewriting!
Sweeping up life’s energies.
Recording the breath of time.
A poet steeped in language.
Which language?
It makes no difference.
Words and images flow
From the artist into the world.
Can I see, hear, taste or touch?
Everything moves,
Nothing is the same.
4-8 Change of Mind
Wow, we were on the breast cancer dance floor at the same time!
You said it so very well! It took me over 5 years to ‘regain my brain’. I live with damage to my right lung and neuropathy in my ribs on the right side from the radiation. Turns out the chemo I took is not particularly effective for my type of cancer but I am still here. Glad we both are! And thanks for this.
Jody, thanks for your comment. These treatments are heavy with lots of side effects. I also had lymph nodes removed and developed immediately after heavy Lymphedema in my left arm. But I’m still here, always ready to make noise about the importance of good observation and selfcare.
Wow, “I felt my brain, and my life, crumbled into tiny particles, ready to be swept up by a light breeze.” What a powerful concrete image. I’ve never quite felt that same feeling but I can imagine it from your description.
You are digging deep. Good.
Thank you Martha. I’m not shy to make a point how important our selfcare is.
As women, we have the focus needed to bring us solace and strength. I love the connections with your many shares and beautiful art, Lisa… each speaks your words, and as an artist, your bold and strong faith!
Thanks Bethany. It’s good to be a reminder in this case.
We are getting into some deep topics with this theme! Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your experience.
Thank you Karol. This experience, which I share with so many women, always needs a reminder to take care of oneself.